The Best Birth Control Method

About a week ago I purchased a copy of Men’s Health because Dennis Trillo was on the cover.  I just have a huge crush on the guy.  However, I’m not one to waste good money just to stare on a beautiful man’s face on paper so I also read the articles inside.  One of the articles discusses about myths about sex.  One of the myths the writer wants his audience to debunk is the belief that condoms can protect one from contracting disease or being pregnant.  He said that there is no foolproof way to prevent this kind of things from happening.  When one engages in sexual activities, he or she must be ready for the likelihood of either happening.

I forgot about this article until today when my housemate asked that we stop by the drugstore so she can buy pills.  Her teammate has asked her to buy her a pack.  We went to the counter and asked for the brand of pills her teammate had specified.  The clerk said they have no stocks so she called her teammate to ask if we should get another brand.  The latter declined saying she’s not ‘hiyang’ with other brands.

As we walked to the trike station to get our ride, I was thinking what the best birth control method could be.  Most people I know use condoms.  But they say it’s not reliable and the sex is not as satisfactory.  My mother had IUD and she managed to keep her children limited to us three.  However, some people I know are not comfortable having a foreign object inserted inside their bodies.  My sister is using pills.  But I know of people who gained weight or became irritable because of taking this.  My housemate is using injectables and my seatmate prefers the natural method. 

Apparently, there are so many birth control methods to choose from.  Of course, it is no concern of mine because I do not engage in sexual activities.  When the time comes though, I wonder what I’ll use…hehehe!

To Be Free

After a very long time, I finally had lunch with Cel again.  I snuck out of my meeting at 2PM and had a late lunch with her at Maisie’s.  I was due to stay at the meeting but getting out for this lunch with my friend was worth it.  Conversations with Cel are ones which I would gladly trade other things for.  For today we found ourselves talking about acquiring real properties.  Cel mentioned that her friend Jen has signed up for a rent-to-own acquisition of a condo unit.  This same friend is now expressing intentions to resign from her job. She said that the politics is more than she could handle.  Of course, she won’t be able to resign.  She can’t quit from her job unless she can find a replacement that would allow her to continuously pay for the condo she’s in the process of acquiring. 

Twice in my life, I’d been tempted to acquire a condo unit myself.  Several times, I’d thought of taking a house improvement or a car loan.  In all occasions, I had been able to stop myself.  Why?  Because freedom is so important for me.  It is more important than all those things that money can buy.  People and friends think I’m scrimping, that I am depriving myself of the good life.  What most people don’t understand is that I just know my priorities.  Being free to do the things I want tops my list.  And the things I want are simple.  They don’t entail having stash and stash of cash.

The same is true for Cel.  Both of us have been part of the workforce for more than a decade now.  Our salary could ensure us approval on loans so we could also buy the beautiful things other people can afford.  However, those things are at the bottom of our priorities.  Sure, we also want to have condo units and new cars.  But not at the price of our freedom.

No More Conversations?

On my way to the office today, I suddenly thought of this blog.  It’s titled Conversations and Goals because at the time I started this, I was spending much time with friends and enjoying writing about what  we had talked about when we were together.  I was also into writing goals for myself.  Looking back on my posts lately however, I realize I’m spending less time with friends.  I’m enjoying my work so much these days that it dominates my thoughts.  In fact last night before I sleep, I had to force my thoughts away from work .  Ideas and list of things  were coming to my head.  I read something else just to shake them off my system. 

Though I acknowledge that happiness come in different forms and maybe it’s work these days for me, I miss having meaningful conversations with friends.  I especially miss Cel.  I miss talking to her about love, life, family and our future plans.  She’s the best listener I’ve met.  Unfortunately, she’s so absorbed in her work lately that she also doesn’t have time for me and our other friends.  I wish we really could get together again and have good conversation soon.  And maybe, making this wish coming true is up to me.

The Heads Were Ahead

At 1:30 PM yesterday, together with Jacq and Apple, I was rushing to get to the conference room where I’d be presenting my painpoint project to group Heads (1 level down from the President).  When we got there, the heads were already seated around the conference table and the first presentation was already in full swing.  I tried to catch the eyes of our division head (the one who asked me to present my findings) but she never looked my way nor acknowledge my arrival.  She looked annoyed.  Just then I received a text from our section head which says “Ferna is not here yet–from Trina”.  It was 1:36.  I replied to the text and started thinking how I was going to redeem myself from the bad impression I gave for not being there ahead of the heads.

I’m not a tardy person.  In fact, I hate tardiness.  It shows lack of consideration for people and their time.  It’s just that during heads’ meeting, we are not required to be present in all the discussions.  We have corresponding time slots.  I therefore thought we are not required to be in the room at exactly 1:30PM.  It’s why I took my time in the restroom although it was nearing 1:30 already.  Apparently, Trina wants us to be there when the meeting start.  So, I sat through all the other presentation wondering if I’d been called already.  This is what I hate about not being on time.  You don’t know what transpired before you came.

After 3 presentations, it was finally my turn. I wasn’t nervous.  In spite of my anxiety that my boss was irritated by my tardiness, I was confident that my presentation was good.  Plus, I’m confident of my presentation skills.  I’m never nervous in front of a crowd when I know what I’m going to say.  It also helped that when I looked around the room, they all seemed interested in what I was saying.  I got their full attention.  In the end however, Ferdz said that he can’t see the project moving because my recommendations do not have owners and timelines.  I also failed to break down the recommendations into which are within our control and which are not.  I could only nod and say I will have those details ready next time. 

But Ferdz’ comments weren’t enough to dampen my spirits, especially because the Strategy Implementation head approached me to get a copy of my materials.  She said they’re working on a similar project and wants to link up with me so we can merge our efforts.  This kind of appreciation was enough to give me confidence to approach Trina and mouth a silent ’sorry’.  I was sorry I was late and I was sorry Ferdz wasn’t impressed by my presentation.  To my delight Trina assured me that, “no, it was good”.  It was all that I needed to finally be able to breathe easily again.  It looks like, I was able to redeem myself for my tardiness after all.

A 589KM Jolly Roadtrip

I better start writing down something about our Ilocos Norte trip before I forget the details.  Never mind that I sure will be unable to finish and never mind that this may be full of grammatical errors.  I should just start. Period.

And so, our planned roadtrip to Ilocos to celebrate the birthdays of Mico, Mike and Pia was realized last weekend.  At 2AM on Saturday, we left Boni on our rented van for a long drive to the north.  Our first stop was at Sta. Maria, Bulacan where we would be picking up Owen and Pia.  It would be my first time at Pia’s house and in our decade-long friendship, it was the first time I was meeting her mother, Mila.  After a few sips of coffee at their place, we continued our journey.  Mico and I sat together at the back and fell asleep almost instantly while the others chatted.  When we awoke, the morning light has peeped in and we were to stop at a Jollibee in Rosales, Pangasinan for breakfast.

After breakfast, Mike continued driving past Pangasinan and then La Union.  At the Candon town of Ilocos, we stopped for a restroom break.  The Jollibee in the area was the most accessible so Pia and I used the restroom there.  We drove on after the break and since we were already in Ilocos, Donna pointed to us places she’s lived in or is familiar with.  She told Mike to drive to the elementary school she attended.  Mike parked the Innova beside the gate of the school and we all got off from the vehicle for some picture-taking.  The Sta. Maria church which was a stone’s throw away from the school was a perfect backdrop for our first set of Ilocos photo souvenirs. A few minutes later, we were back in the van and driving to the house of Owen’s grandmother in Vigan where we’d be staying. 

We reached lola’s house shortly before lunch.  We were so famished from the long drive that we immediately sat down in front of the dining table to eat the lunch they prepared for us.  I was itching to take a bath so while the others rested, I proceeded to bathe after the meal.  Mike and Owen both took a nap while Donna and Pia played cards.  At about 3PM, we took off again to visit Baluarte, The Bell Tower and the Heritage Village.  We also got to taste the famous Vigan empanada just before we took a stroll to Calle Crisologo.  I felt I was transported back in the Spanish era while we were in that street of old houses.  Before we headed for home, we passed by Jollibee Vigan for some take out.

The next day, we were up early for our Pagudpod trip.  The moon was still shining high in the sky when we started for our drive to the famous tourist destination.  We were early because other side trips were on our itinerary.  Our first stop was at Paoay church.  We took pictures in front of the old edifice and then headed for Batac.  In Batac, we had breakfast at Jollibee before we checked out if we could see the Marcoses’ memorabilias.  Unfortunately, the museum opens at 9AM.  We decided not to wait and drove on to Bangui where the famous windmills are located.  In Laoag, we decided to stop for a restroom break at another Jollibee store.  It was here that we noticed that we’d been stopping by at different Jollibee branches in the north.  Amidst laughter for the realization, we reached Kangkang cafe in Bangui were we stopped for shakes, more picture-taking and videoke.  I scored highest for my rendition of I Loved You All The Way but Donna disputes that it was because I distracted her when she was singing Dito Ba. 

From the cafe, it was a fairly short drive to our next destination–the Tapatan (not sure of the name) Bridge.  It was a very long bridge built on the side of the mountain.  It was quite a sight and we stopped by and took pictures.  I was reluctant at first to leave the car because I thought it was foolish and dangerous to pull over and especially take pictures on a bridge.  However, my companions seemed unmindful of the danger so I finally decided it was probably alright.  It was a brief pause from our journey and a few minutes later we already saw the signs welcoming tourists to the beach resorts of Pagudpod.  It was almost lunchtime when we reached the place so we decided to order for food at the resort. While our lunch was being prepared, we stayed by the beach to enjoy the peaceful ambience.  The rest took naps at hammocks sitting between trees while Owen and I chatted.  After several minutes, Donna called and informed everyone that lunch was served so we proceeded to the dining hall.  Lunch was followed by another drive to the marker between Ilocos and Cagayan.  We posed for more pictures at the marker so we could show everyone that we were not only in Ilocos but we had already stepped on the lands of Cagayan.  Afterwards, we went back to the resort to swim.  We finished at 5PM and started the long drive back to lola’s house.  Our only stops this time were dinner at Max’s and at the gas station.  We were home by 11PM.

We were up again early the next day to the breakfast prepared by Owen.  On the table were longganisang Ilocos, higado, adobo and fried rice. We all ate heartily for we knew it would be another long day on the road for us.  And then we started for Manila.  We went pasalubong shopping first and bought chichacorn and bibingka and agreed that next stop would be for lunch.  Twelve noon found us in Pangasinan and we had lunch at KFC.  It was pretty uneventful after until we reached SCTEX where our gas meter started blinking indicating we have little gas left.  I was really scared we’d run out of gas but luck was on our side because we reached the nearest gas station before it could happen.  We stopped by Mike’s house and then at Owen’s for snacks before we went back to Boni.

And that concludes my long Ilocos roadtrip post.

Avoiding Styros

One of my 10 2010 resolutions is to stop drinking from styro cups.  I’ve read it’s dangerous because hot water activates the carcinogenic materials on the styro.  I’m not sure if this is a myth but I just feel that refraining from using styro is the right thing to do, for myself and for the environment.  Anyways, I was successful in keeping this resolution until I was sent to training last Thursday.  Coffee is unlimited for the duration of the traning which was to last until Friday.  I of course, couldn’t bring my mug and  because I could not resist the temptation of coffee, I broke my resolution and drank from styro.  Then yesterday, I was off to a workshop regarding the development of one of our websites.  Once again coffee was served, on styro.  Oh well, I guess I really cannot eliminate styro from my life.  Still, now that I’m back in my own workstation, I’ll continue trying to keep my resolution for the rest of the year.

UP or Others?

When I was still in school, I got tutorial jobs to augment my allowance.  In one of those jobs I met Mrs. Montano.  She was the owner of a company that manufactures drugs/medicines.  She took me in because I was a UP student.  During the interview, she asked me what I was taking up.  When I said Business Administration, she told me that BA or management is something she wouldn’t advise anyone to take up. She said that you don’t need a management degree to know how to make profit. 

Being young and naive, I was swayed by her reasoning.  Up until I was already on my 2nd year in GT, I was still inwardly wishing I took up Engineering or finished Accountancy in another school.  I was sorry I finished Business Administration in UP.  I thought it was a useless course.

Now, more than 10 years in my career in GT, I have learned to appreciate my UP education and my business degree.  It wasn’ useless like I thought.  Mrs. Montano was right.  You don’t need to have a business degree to know when you are making profit.  You will discover this on your own.  However, it helps to be guided.  And that’s what the UP education gave me, guideposts to discover more knowledge. 

I came to reflect about this because of the release of the UPCAT results recently.  My niece is one of the sucessful passers.  Unfortunately, she didn’t qualify to the quota courses she had applied for.  Now, she needs to enroll in one of those courses which in my younger years I didn’t understand the existence of.  I’m afraid she’ll get  stuck in a course she won’t be proud of or understand.  For a while, I was thinking of having her enroll in another university.  In another school, she can take up engineering as planned.  She will be excellent in another school. 

Looking back however at how my UP education has helped me in the course of my life as a young professional, I realized there’s no other school for my niece.  She was successful in getting a slot in the University of the Philippines, we won’t have that chance wasted.

Settle Down

I was in the pantry yesterday morning, listening to the outpouring of sentiments of a friend.  She was saying that she’s thinking of resigning already as she can’t stand the culture of the new group she belongs to.  She said her boss is so inconsiderate and she hasn’t encountered someone of a worse kind. 

I can see the pain and anger in my friend’s eyes as she narrated to me instances when she felt she was mistreated by her boss.  I listened intently and empathized with her in the best way I know how.  In the end however, my advise was not to quit unless she has already secured another job.  I told her not to let her boss make her suffer more.

Finding a replacement first is a common advice I give to friends who express desire to resign from their jobs.  I believe it’s foolish to just quit without a plan.  How different my stand is on matters of the heart!  A friend confided recently that she doesn’t see herself being married to her boyfriend.  She said she doesn’t love him enough and can’t imagine spending the rest of her life with him.  My advice to her was to ‘quit’.  I told her that by being with him, she’s stamping herself as ‘not in the market’.  My friend’s funny, pretty, witty and interesting.  And so many guys like her.  But because she has a boyfriend, no one can pursue her seriously.  But she’s of marryin age already and I think if she still doesn’t call it quits with him now, she’ll end up just settling for him.

Currently Playing

I’m currently listening to ”All My Lovin” of the Beatles.  I can’t help being reminded of Cedric as I listen to the song.  He’s the most Beatles-fanatic person I know.  He knows all of their songs I think and doesn’t get tired of listening to them.  He even copies their 60’s hairstyles.  I used to ask for copies of Beatles songs from him. 

Playing next is The Music of The Night of David Cook.  This song reminds me of Budjoy and that season of American Idol where David Cook was in a close fight with David Archuleta for the Idol title.  Every morning we’d search in YOUTUBE the performances of the night before and we’d exchange animated opinions about each.  Almost everytime, we’d be blown away by David Cook’s performance.  He was noted for his Always Be My Baby version but his version of Music of The Night was my favorite.

It’s Sad To Belong follows after.  I’m reminded of Mother Glad.  Our posts were next to each other some years ago and she mentioned to me a few times that this song was a favorite.  I used to tease her and ask if the lyrics of the song was true for her.  She was after all, married. 

Next in line was Mapagkunwari.  Recently I posted in Facebook as my status the line, “Ikaw ang aking tanging hiling na hindi matupad.”  It’s a line from that Impostora song.  Friends assumed that the line was for Noel.  He’s back in GT and they thought that my feelings for him resurfaced.  I just replied to the comments that I only posted the line because it was catchy.  It really wasn’t referring to Noel.

Now that Noel’s back, I’m being frequently asked if I no longer hold a torch for him.  I truthfully answer that the feelings are not completely gone but it isn’t a strong and I no longer desire to be his special someone.  He’s still special in a sort of way that first loves are special to everyone.  What I felt for him was overwhelming.  It made me believe in all the lines of the songs that I used to just sing and memorize devoid of emotions.  The episode with him made me feel so alive.  Thus, it cannot be completely obliterated.  However, we are no longer the same people.  Time, distance and everythings else that happened had diminished the once very strong feelings I had for him.

At this point in my life, I hold no special feelings for anyone.  Although I miss those roller coaster of emotions I used to experience when I was still in love with him, my eyes are wide open that chances of them being experienced again just because he’s once again proximate is almost impossible. That’s why I’m just contented in listening to songs.  They have the power to move me and make me feel as I once did.

Looking Back at 2009

Without further ado, here’s the list of things that make me feel “accomplished” in 2009:

1. I’ve been to new places:
• Coron, Palawan
• Isabela.
2. I checked off items in my 101 list
• I learned how to drive
• I attended a movie premiere
• I spent the night in a hotel with no special occasion
• I joined a Fun Run (didn’t know that a marathon is a 42KM run.  I just ran a 3K distance)
• wore two-piece on the beach
  
3. I tried new things
• Completed a bowling game (after all most 10 years since I first held a bowling ball)
• I rode a plane by myself
4. I read new books
• Peaks and Valleys
• Bounce
5. I treated myself
• Got myself a new laptop
• Bought a new pair of rubber shoes
6. I got promoted
7. I renewed a lost friendship with someone (and this time it feels real).

It was a good year.  It started sad because I felt someone drifting away.  I learned later that it was to prepare me.  Everything really happens for a reason.  There were deaths too, of people and of a company unit we called our home.  But the good outweighs the bad.  And 2010 looks even more promising.

Would You Have Spoken?

On my way home yesterday, I passed by Andok’s to buy a dinner of Dokito Frito.  I normally don’t like waiting and won’t usually buy when there is even the smallest queue on the counter but my desire to eat fried chicken for dinner was so strong that I endured waiting for the crew to finish serving the two ladies who were there ahead of me.  I arrived just when the staff was chopping the first girl’s chicken (or liempo, I’m not sure).  After he handed the plastic bag to her, the girl handed him two 100-peso bills as payment.  Next in line was an older woman.  She bought six pieces of eggs and handed the staff a 50-peso bill.  Before this transaction with the lady buying eggs was over, the first girl came back.  She asked how much her purchases totaled.  The staff replied and the girl said that she gave two 100-peso bills so the change he gave her was short.  The staff insisted that she only gave him 150.00.  He held up a 100-peso and a 50-peso bill to her to prove his point.  I was just observing and debating with myself if I should speak up.  I know that the 50-peso bill was from the older woman and I saw that the first girl really gave two 100-peso bills.  In the end, the girl just resignedly walked away.  It was my turn to get a Dokito Frito after the lady buying eggs completed her transaction.  After that I headed home, still wondering if I should have spoken.

New Challenge

Jacq officially announced during our breakfast meeting yesterday that Pia and I would be assuming team lead positions for Solutions and Process Management respectively starting tomorrow.  It wasn’t a shock for the Solutions team because Pia had always been the frontrunner for the position.  For the Process team however, it was a different story.  I kinda felt awkward for Ces.  She showed me the ropes in Process and now she’s going to be reporting to me.  Although I believe that tenure should not be much of a factor in choosing leaders, I have respect for capable, more tenured peers.  Cecile is both tenured and capable of leading us.  Anyway, we both know that it could go either way.  Our bosses talked to both of us to ask how we’d feel leading the team.  We both said that although we do not aspire for the position, we wouldn’t walk away from the added responsibility.  In the end, the bosses chose me.  

I’m both anxious and excited.  I’m excited because I can finally do things my way without worry that I’d be stepping on my team leader’s foot.  I wasn’t happy at all with the way she was running things but my hands were tied.  This time, it’s up to me to be implementing the changes my teammates and I desire.  On the other hand, I’m very anxious.  Unlike my team leader stint at the call center where I was coaching young people straight out of college, this time I’ll be leading a group of achievers.  I know that they have higher expectations.  Plus, I’ve not been a people manager for more than 2 years.  I’m not sure if I’m still effective.

 Nonetheless, I welcome the challenge.  I know it will be more work, more responsibilities, more time in the office and more pressure.  But I will make it work to the best of my ability.

The Isabela Trip

Mico, Ces, Karen and I left the office at around 7PM last Friday.  We’d meet up with Jeanne, who still needed to attend a work-related event, at the Victory Liner for our 9:20 trip to Isabela.  The New Moon special screening where she would be serving as an usherette would start at 6:30PM.  Before 8, she texted that she and another colleague had already left the place.

The four of us reached the bus station at around 8:30PM and had enough time for a late dinner at Jollibee.  At this time Jeanne texted that she was already in Libis.  When we finished dinner at 9:10, she texted that she was in Cubao already.  We boarded the bus and just informed the driver and the conductor that we were still waiting for someone.  At 9:20, Jeanne was still not in the bus station and we could no longer stop the bus driver from getting the bus on the road.  We begged him to just drive slowly so that the van Jeanne was on could catch up.  The driver was kind enough to oblige and stop at NIA, Quezon Ave (?) when the van finally closed  the distance.  We were really anxious that Jeanne would not be able to make it (her laptop and things are already with us…hehehe) so it was quite a relief when we saw her boarding the bus.  

Before 6AM the next day, we reached Santiago, Isabela and was fetched by Karen’s father at the bus station.   We rested for a while in the room assigned to the four of us.  We had breakfast when we woke up and then went for a drive to the Magat Dam after.  The park-like place was nice, quiet and peaceful and we had fun taking pictures.  The dam personnel also allowed us to get inside the place where they monitor the voltage/amount of electricity produced by the dam.  We returned to Karen’s house after for the tinola and tilapya lunch her mother prepared.

Saturday afternoon was spent in Santiago city.  Karen and her mother bought needed goods at the supermart for Erin’s birthday party which will be held the coming Monday.  Ces, Mico, Jeanne and I went to buy chips and drinks for the night’s swimming plans.  We also scoured the mall for affordable shorts because we didn’t bring enough clothes.  Jeanne and I also bought pillows.

Contrary to Karen’s prediction that we won’t be able to wake up in time for the 6AM mass because we had been swimming and had consumed a bottle of The Bar the night before, we made it to the nearby church before the service started on Sunday.  The mass was in Ilocano so we hardly understood a thing said.  There was even a moment when the four of us were standing up while the rest of the churchgoers behind us were seated.  Needless to say, our attendance wasn’t as solemn as it should be.

On Sunday afternoon, Karen’s father drove us to the Transfiguration Chapel.  It was situated on top of a hill and would be a perfect site for a Holy week station of the cross.  I don’t know if the 13 stations are complete though.  I only remember passing by life size figures of the Last Supper, Pieta, and Jesus and the two thieves on the cross.  The place also features a playground if one happens to have kids in tow. After a merienda at Chowking, we saw Mico and Jeanne to the bus station.  They would be returning to Manila earlier.  Karen, Cecile and I then proceeded to the mall again to get a gift for Karen’s mother who would be celebrating her birthday the following week.  Done with our purchases, we proceeded to Big Brothers where we had our dinner.

Time flew by quickly on Monday.  It was Erin’s birthday party and I hosted the games.  Before long, we were bidding goodbye to our gracious hosts.  Karen’s family is wonderful.  We could sense the genuine hospitality.  And Isabela is a town you could retire to.  It’s clean, it’s quiet, it’s progressive.  And with the kind of company I had on this trip, I sure would love to come back.  

A Kikay with the Smartasses

My Kikay friends know this.  I prefer going out of town with the Smartasses than with them.  Foremost of my reasons is the fact that going out of town is a yearly thing with the latter group.  On summers and on Cecile’s birthday, we make it a point to hibernate outside Manila.  I look forward to these outings with them because it gives me a chance to visit places I’d never been without really digging deep into my pocket.  My Smartasses friends don’t pressure me into spending more than I’m willing to shell out.  They arrange for the best room rates, they book for the lowest fares.  Plus, there are no pretensions around them.  We eat on the same spoon and drink on the same glass.  It’s never gross to be recycling outfits.  They don’t mind.  It’s just so comfortable being around them on vacations. 

On the other hand, I’ve never been anywhere outside Manila with my Kikay friends.  Oh, I’ve been with some of them on separate trips (Laguna with Cel and Niles a long time ago, and with Love in Tagaytay) but never after the Kikay group was formed.   The first time they asked me to an out-of-town trip, I wasn’t available.  The pain of my father’s death was still so fresh that time that I felt it would be disrespectful to have fun and go with them to Subic when it was just two months after he passed away.  And I was glad for the excuse.  I don’t know if I would have blended in.  My kikay friends are not called kikays for no reason.  Where the Smartasses are never bothered by what to wear, where to eat and such stuffs (see Subic pictures), my Kikay friends have to look right for this type of events.  Where the Smartasses never bothered with swimsuits and sunglasses, my Kikay friends would go out of their way to shop for the right outfit and make-ups.  I’m not sure if they eat food that already touched the table.  I was afraid I would not be myself around my Kikay friends on a trip out of of town.

All these being said, I was delightfully surprised at how things turned out on my Isabela trip where Jeanne (one of the Kikays) was part of the party.  Yes, she wore make-up and shades, but her being Kikay ended there.  She ate kamote tops dipped in bagoong.  She shared coffee cups with the rest of us (mico, ces and me) and wore 3-for-100 shorts and borrowed tops.  She never complained about the two of us sleeping on a single bed.  She was also very fun to be around.  She joked around a lot and our entire trip was filled with goofy moments of which she was the cause (more on that hopefully on another post about the Isabela trip).  

This Isabela trip really made me change my mind about Jeanne.  Still not sure about the other girls.  They still strike me as….well, Kikays!  

Which Kind of Boss

Instead of a scheduled meeting yesterday, I found myself listening to the sentiments of a group of officemates who want to move to other units to be able to get away from their current boss.  It surprised me to learn that they feel that way because though their boss could be quite monstrous at times, I know that she’s quite a leader.  She always makes it a point to be on her team’s side and would defend them even when they make mistakes.  I know she demands a lot from her people but she gives them due credit.  She gives high performance appraisal scores which translates to better-than-average raises for her people and she pushes to get people on her team promoted ahead of the others.  Plus, she really can move her team to the direction she wants to pursue.  She can mobilize everyone to follow her directions.  This is probably because she’s brilliant.  Her arguments make sense and one can really learn a lot from her.  Thus, it was my impression that all of these traits compensate for the occasional embarrasment her people had to endure due to her outbursts.  I was wrong.  The demands, the humiliation are taking their toll on the people.  Many want to quit.  

The conversation yesterday reminded me of another conversation I had with another officemate some months ago.  She was also complaining to me about her boss.   She said that she doesn’t get any support or direction from her superior.  She resents it that someone who can’t stand for the team is in the lead.  The leader’s lack of competence in many things also disappoints her.  She said that she won’t be able to learn anything.  She told me that she was envious of the people under the leadership of the boss mentioned above.  She’d been in a meeting with her and saw how that leader was supportive of her team and aware of her team’s role.  I told her she should be more tolerant.  In spite of her flaws, the boss she’s complaining about is a kind and considerate person.  That’s something she should be thankful for because she’s afforded by the boss with a sense of freedom she might not be able to get from the leader she admires.

I guess, no boss can ever be perfect.  The best they can do is try.  Sometimes, it’s frustrating when they don’t even do that.  But perhaps, it’s because they believe their style is already the best.  With that said, my pick is still the boss who respects me and gives me the freedom that’s most important to me.  Promotion isn’t very important and I can always read books to learn.  I’m just happy all of my bosses happen to satisfy the requirements.

Enough For Now

After receiving our 2010 clothing allowance last month, I can’t seem to stop spending.  And I’m feeling guilty.  I know that I have only bought things I needed; new office blouses, coats, belts, and a pair of sandals.  Thus, it isn’t my shopping that brings about the guilt.  It’s my dining out expenses that scare me.  Just the other week, I went out thrice.  We were at CGG on Monday and on Thursday and was at a movie in Megamall when Friday came.  Last week, it was Trinoma on Tuesday and then Eastwood on Friday.  Karen and Jeanne paid for most of what we ate at Libis but the rest of my expenses were unbudgeted.  And then this Friday, we’re going to Isabela.  We’ll spend the weekend there for Erin’s birthday.  An out of town Christmas party on December 19 and a team dinner are also scheduled.  I know I’m not supposed to be surprised or guilty.  After all, Christmas really comes with a lot of expenses.  But it seems I’m going a little overboard already.  I should do a little thinking and planning.  I think I’ve enough of dining out for now.

Regrettably Can’t

Kat informed me yesterday that one of our company’s players couldn’t make it to the badminton dual meet with Starbucks.  She asked me to substitute.  With much regret, I declined the invitation and asked Maya to take the slot.  I told Kat that I’m out of practice and that my badminton skills are not yet inter company competition level.  Kat told me my skills are just fine since most players in this meet are beginners.  She also said that there are a lot of freebies and I’d meet a lot of people.  I was excited by the prospect and would have eagerly accepted.  But fear dominated and in the end, I said I can’t.  After telling Maya to play instead, I inwardly wished I’d accepted.  It would have opened doors.  And I’d have gone back to playing badminton.

Meeting Anxiety

My calendar shows only one meeting today.  I’m relieved because I have two presentations next week and I’ll have time to work on them today.  However, I’m also very anxious.  The only meeting I have today is a one-on-one with the boss of my IS.  Actually, Ella is two levels above me.  She’s the boss of the boss of my IS.  Please don’t get me wrong.  It’s not her position that scares me.  In fact, I am very comfortable talking to the ‘gods’.  I even cracked jokes yesterday during a breakfast meeting with our division head.

The fact that I’m gonna be talking to her isn’t what’s making me anxious too.  Normally, we get scared to talk to people we seldom communicate with.  It’s not my case with Ella.  I talk to her almost everyday.  She’s a very good leader and has open communication lines.  When she knows it’s your project, she talks to you and not to your IS for updates.  She’s also very supportive and involves herself in our projects.  Thus, talking to her is not my issue.

I think the reason for my anxiety stems from the fact that she didn’t put an agenda in the invite.  She just told me it’s my first one-on-one session with her.  It’s supposed to be at 7:30AM.  When I received the invite, I dismissed it as a routine thing that all the SQ people’s gonna have.  I was thinking maybe I was just the first in the list.  It was when she moved the meeting to 12:30 today because of the changed schedule of presentation to the heads that I started to analyze the reason for the invitation.  In the updated invite, she told me we’re having it at Starbucks to have an uninterrupted discussion.  It really got me thinking.  In the first place, it’s odd to have a one-on-one session with the IS of your bosses.  I know that this only happens when there are escalated complaints.  I wonder if I’ve come on too strong during meetings and some people have complained.  My D-personality has resurfaced and I’ve once again resorted to Model 1 dialogue to resolve issues quickly.  I know that I sometimes dictate the outcome of meetings.  If this is the case, then I’d have to be more sensitive.  As far as I know, I’m maintaining good relationships with partners in different units.  Although I usually know my pitch during meetings and wants to have my way, I always make it a point to be fair and reasonable in assigning responsibilities.

Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to wait for the meeting to arrive rather than overthink what it could be about.  I hope it’s really just a routine ‘kumustahan’ session or a good news/feedback for me.  If it’s something else, I guess I’ll have to rethink my work strategy depending on what the feedback is.

Fate Or Decision

In a rare afternoon snack with Taj yesterday, I told her how glad I am that she seems so happy with her current boyfriend.  We were actually skeptical at first when she announced that she was in a relationship with John-john because we all knew how much she was still in love with an officemate.  The guy was in a long-distance relationship when they first met but but Taj decided to patiently wait for the time he’d learn to like her too.  She never lacked for suitors who wanted a piece of her affection but she never paid attention to any of them.  Unfortunately, she was waiting in vain.  Even when our officemate’s relationship with his girlfriend ended, he never made Taj wish come true.  He didn’t ask her to be his girl.  She told us how badly it hurt but just months after, we learned that she’d agreed to be John-john’s girlfriend.  We’ve been out with the couple for several times now and it was apparent that Taj is happy.  She had decided to move on from her great love for someone who didn’t return her affection and love John.  That afternoon, I was thinking that love really is a decision.

That evening, I watched 500 Days of Summer with Ces and Karen.  And Summer, who initially wasn’t sold on the idea of love and soulmate, towards the end of the movie had some pretty good arguments about love being destined.  She said that if it wasn’t fate, why would she be at the right place and time to meet the man she would eventually marry.  She had no romantic notion of love and yet knew the instance she met him of the certainty that she wanted to spend her life with him.  

The movie reminded me of my real stand on the matter.  Love is a decision but fate plays a part on who one will eventually decide to love. 

Sweet Thought

Because I can’t think of anything to write, I joined Ces for coffee in our office pantry instead of my initial plan of updating this blog this morning.  My conversation with her gave me a few ideas.

Cecile mentioned that Pia, Jane, and Mike invited her for drinks the previous night.  Over bottles of beer and pulutan, they agreed to throw non-work related, thought-provoking questions at each other.  One of the questions asked was “Given a chance to go back in time, what event in your life would you change?”.  She answered that she’d go back to her fourth grade year.  Her classmate was pairing her up with someone she secretly had a crush on.  She felt that the guy liked her but she never had the guts to give him any encouragement.  She said it might have been fun if she’d given him signs.

I think Ces was not serious that she’d really like to change anything in her past.  I’m sure that like me, she’s contented with the way her life turned out and acknowledges that this was shaped by all the decisions and choices she had consciously made in the past. Nonetheless, her articulation of this wish made me recall the first time I had my first taste of attraction.  I was in third grade and it was to a neighbor who had a really nice pair of eyes.  He was to be my crush until I graduated from elementary.  I felt he liked me too because I used to catch him staring at me when he thought I wasn’t looking.   Of course nothing came out of this.  We were too young and he was extremely shy, especially since he belonged to one of what whe termed then as ‘the lower sections.’  Some students in the lower sections felt intimated by members of our class.  Also, I was raised to believe getting into a boy-girl relationship must only happen after finishing school if you have a dream.  Rising from poverty was more important to me then and I realized eventually that he wasn’t what I wanted.  I had a new crush immediately after setting foot on my new school. 

My first crush is married now and I’m glad I didn’t end up with him.  I certainly wouldn’t go back in time just to make sure I could tell him how I felt.  Still, I consider memories of this past episode in my life too sweet to just forget.